Have You Ever Heard Your Friends Talking About You?

We all like to project a nice, positive image to ourselves and to the world: to our friends, partners, and others. Some of us will take all necessary measures to impress others, "show" them how smart we are, how loving, attentive, caring. Many of us do so not because this is the way we actually are, but as a manipulative way - to get love and appreciation from others; to be adored and admired. Unfortunately, having behaved this way for years on years, we have become unaware to the awful truth - that we are not the way we present ourselves to be; that we are not so honest, authentic and caring for others' well-being, but rather mask ourselves with this image of the caring, the loving, the attentive. The reverse, then, is the true situation: we do whatever we can to attract the love of others; to persuade them to regard us in as much a positive light as we can. We operate from a bottomless need for love, for appreciation, for attention, for praise.

When we behave this way, we think our friends, partners and others "fall" for our good-heartedly behavior; we convince ourselves that they highly appreciate us; that they adore our company, wisdom and support.

What we don't know is, that those of them who are enough conscious and aware, see behind our masks, behind our manipulations, behind our "loving behavior": they notice how desperate we are for their love; how low our self-esteem is; how fearful we are about criticism; and how lonely we feel when alone, not receiving others' love and "appreciation".

But, as ignorant as we are, as unaware as we are, to ourselves as well as to our environment, we keep behaving the way we do, believing that indeed we are what we project to our environment.

However, if we could have had the opportunity to ear-drop into a conversation of some of our friends who might have been talking about us we might have heard their conversation going like that:

"Poor ___; he/she needs so much love... "

"Yeah, he/she is trying so hard to be nice and loving all the time... "

"Sometimes I have to keep myself tight from laughing in his/her face, pretending that I so sucked into his/her attentive ear"

"Yes, that's exactly so: he/she loves so much to impress us by his/her listening ability; being there for us... As a matter of fact, it is so disgusting... "

"Well, I don't want to judge, really, but yes, I totally agree with you: the efforts he/she makes in order to be who she/he really is not... what a shame... "

"Shame no shame, eventually he/she gets what he/she wants... our love and friendship... "

"So do you want to tell me we are just as dishonest as he/she is?"

Silence. And then:

"These are us who might be dishonest for not telling him/her what we really think. But he/she is not dishonest: he/she is just so totally unaware of who she/he is; so totally out of touch with his own needs; so totally unaware of his/her ways of unconscious manipulations".

How would you react if you have listened in to such a conversation about yourself?

Would it trigger in you any reflection, any desire to look inside, observe yourself, attempt to see if there is any truth to what you have heard, to what they have been saying about you?

Or would you assume that it wasn't you they were talking about, but someone else... ?

Every Grown Woman and Grown Man Needs One

Everybody needs a friend who doesn't mind telling them what they're too afraid to tell their silly self!

A great friendship is sort of like a great marriage. Both parties should balance each other out. That doesn't mean that everything is 50-50. It's a balancing act. Sometimes it might be 60-40. There are times when the friendship is tested and one party can only give 30 percent while the other will have to compensate by giving 70 percent in order for the relationship to survive.

One friend shouldn't ever be intimidated by the other friend. However recognize when your friend is looking out for your best interest and only telling you what will benefit you. This a person who has been with you and your family through thick and thin. A person who has been around your children. One with whom you've trusted with your most guarded secrets. A person like that wouldn't ever purposely steer you wrong.

Does that mean that you absolutely have to take their advice? No, but later you may wish that you had. However, respect your friend's opinion enough to listen to it. After listening to the advice, if it makes sense, you definitely should consider taking it.

Again, it's a balancing act. A great friendship is a relationship that's symbolic of a good marriage. A married couple where both parties rely upon each other is the model. One person can't taste and the other one can't see. The blind partner can taste the food and say, "I know you're lactose intolerant. This pudding tastes like it has too much milk in it. You shouldn't eat this." The partner with sight can take their blind partner by the arm and caution them to, "Watch your step, we are about to step off of a curb." They compliment each other in order to make life better for both of them.

Some friends think that they're doing you a favor, by supposedly sparing your feelings and not telling you the truth. That's not the kind of friend that you want to turn to in times of a crisis. You want to turn to a friend who will tell you the truth and doesn't care if you don't like it. A true friend realizes that even though the truth isn't always what you want to hear, it's definitely what you need to hear.